Bourdain Quotes

10. I feel sorry for the person who has to clean my room tomorrow. The bathroom is going to be like a scene out of Trainspotting.

11. "Tomorrow I will be leaking like the EXXON VALDEZ." Eating HOT PEPPER noodle soup in Shanghai, China

12. "If there's no in-room porn, I'm not hitting any exercise at all."

13. "And 'Get your *** together with your f_____ meez, or I come back there and f___ you in the culo' means, 'Pardon me, comrade, but I am concerned with your state of readiness for the coming rush. Is your mise-en-place properly restocked, my brother?'" (Kitchen Confidential, on kitchen language)

14. "Did he said rainbow of pork?"

15. "Right now I've got a deer tick the size of a golf ball underneath my ***sack" wandering around in the woods in Vermont, or was it Tuscany?
it really could have been anywhere; Arkansas?

16. From Argentina. "I don't drink water. Fish %&$# in water."

17. "When it has red juice coming out of it , it's good."

18. In Peru: "Sting and all his buddies come down here, and go on and on and on about preserving traditional culture, right? Because that's what we're talking about here. But what we're also talking about poverty... Isn't it kind of patronizing to say 'they're happier' or 'they live a simpler life closer to the soil'? Maybe so, but it is a pretty hard-scrabble and unglamourous life when you get down to it."

19. "Rachael Ray does to food what Hitler did to Poland."

20. "When packing a picnic, Always carry the booze on your person." Iceland episode.

21. "I just know that it's so good that I just have to have it."

22. "YOUR body might be a temple - mine is an amusement park." (Kitchen Confidential)

23. "Presents late this year kids? That's because Santa cut Rudolph's **&*&%$ head off!" "Bad Santa!"

24. "This is wrong on so many levels."

25. "This is the worst meal I have ever had," refering to the rotted fermented shark he ate while in Iceland

26. "Fred, Mutha-F**king Astaire...bia*tc*" - Dancing over bamboo sticks in Vietnam.

27. "When did Ted Nugent come on staff?" - Hunting quail in Greece

28. When eating a fish stomach in Malaysia: "Mmm! Stomachy!" When eating a possum pie in New Zealand: "Mmm! Possummy!"

29. "Oh, what a wonderful town. Bars are open twenty-four hours. Nearly everyone seems to drink heavily (I'm told that if you mention New Orleans as a residence, you go right to the head of the line at Betty Ford)..."

30. "He may not know the term monter au beurre, or know who Vatel was - but who cares? Vatel punked out over a late fish delivery and offed himself like a bad poet. Somebody had to cover his station the next day. Manuel would have shrugged and soldiered on."

31. On Crete, holding two rifles: "Dear Diary. This morning I woke up very very angry."

32. In the Romania episode: "I think we know what comes next, we get all Squeaky Fromme on that piggy's ass".

33. In the Malaysia episode: "Oh yeah, there's a hippie deep inside me waiting to get out...Now where did I put my Birkenstocks?"

34. In the Jamaica episode: "If you can't find it in Coronation Market you can stop looking!"

35. "...An apocalyptic onslaught of all things delicious."

36. On Rachel Ray, from a 2006 Salon.com interview: "If I ever saw her getting trashed on Old Crow, pistol-whipping a vegan after a bar crawl, I would think, "That's an interesting woman. I would like to know her."

37. "Daddy's a badddddd man!"

38. "Like French kissing your dead grandmother."

39. "Like the scent of a long-dead relative."